Yup, that's my fantasy football life

I'm playing Mike Cho this week, and my unofficial count, we're basically even going into the Sunday night game. Jake Delhomme and Antowain Smith (Antowain Smith!) each had two touchdowns for Mike. Donte Stallworth scored once, Thomas Jones scored twice, and my defense scored once for me.

That means my game against Mike comes down to 3 players. I have Matt Hasselbeck playing the sad sack defnese of the Texans tonight. I played Hasselbeck instead of Marc Bulger because Hasselbeck plays one of the worst defenses in the NFL - the Texans - while Bulger plays one of the best, the surprising Indianapolis Colts.

On the other hand, Mike has two players left, the kicker for the Seahawks, and Edgerrin James.

To summarize, if Hasselbeck outscores the Seahawks kicker and Edgerrin James combined, I win. Otherwise, it'll be months of trashtalking from my newly engaged friend in St. Louis. Not good times.

• It's 8:35 EST, time for kickoff.
  
• 8:50 - The Seahawks immediately drive into Houston territory and have made it to the Houston 30. Uh oh, 4th down and 1. That means Mike's kicker could kick a 47-yard field goal and get 4 early points on me. Yay, Mike Holmgren! Go for the first down! And... he makes it on 4th down. The drive results in a Shaun Alexander touchdown. 7-0 Seahawks.
  
• 9:08 - The Seahawks are driving down the field again. Needless to say, Shaun Alexander scores again. Although the Hawks are now up 14-0 at the end of the first quarter, my man Hasselbeck has just 60 yards - 1.5 fantasy points.
  
• 9:34 - Finally! Hasselbeck hooks up with Joe Jurevicius for a 3 yard touchdown. 6 points... ch-ching!
  
• 9:45 - So sad. The Seahawks get the ball back with 45 seconds left in the first half. Deep pass down the field, right? Hasselbeck tries to throw through the 6'1", 237 pound linebacker who's dropped back into zone coverage. Interception. -2 points. I will now light my hair on fire.
  
• 9:58 - Halftime. I gotta say, my man Hasselbeck has that premature balding thing down pat. Combined with his baby face, he looks like he belongs on the couch next to me, watching the game.
  
• 10:35 - Seahawks are driving, again. Hasselbeck runs 24 yards, 2.2 points.
• 10:38 - Ball on the 10 yard line. Please, pass it in! Pass it in! Mmmm... Laura is making me a sandwich. Please, Hasselbeck, get a touchdown! 1st and goal, Hasselbeck passes to Alexander! Stuffed at the one! Needless to say, on the next play, it's an Alexander run, and he makes it into the endzone standing up. Would it have been so hard to do that on that last pass from Hasselbeck? C'mon Alexander, let's show some consideration, here.
  
• 10:45 - Domanick Davis just ran down the sideline with a Carr pass and scored a touchdown. That makes it 27-10. Hopefully, that will prevent the Seahawks from shutting down the passing game.
  
• 11:04 - 2nd and goal from the 24. Passing down? I'm hopeful that this will force them to pass. But no, it's a handoff! Alexander runs right through every Texans defender to score again! Hasselbeck is kind of like me playing basketball - even when he wins, he never gets to score.
  
• 11:07 - I realize that I'm watching the game - in its entirety - even though I don't like either team. Whoever invented fantasy football is more evil than Juan Escobar, the kingpin of crack.
  
• 11:35 - The final insult. Alexander is out. The Seahawks have scored again. Is Hasselbeck involved? No. The backup running back punches it in.
  

Well, the game's over, and in not scoring, Hasselbeck has pretty much done in my fantasy team. If Edgerrin James scores a TD tomorrow, I can pretty much look forward to a stream of e-mails from Mike toasting my defeat at his hands.

Sigh. At least my real life is good.